I’ve talked about this with my sister. If some tragedy happened and we lost both our partners we’ve decided to move in together. It’s so much work to invest in one person that you trust everything with. And that’s on top of the fact that my partner is irreplaceable.
I do. The marriage work we don't pay attention to is the hedonic adaptation and the thousand little compromises that show respect and love and being worn down. To do that again - exhausting and impossible.
I loved this Isabel! I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, and completely agree with you both. So much time, energy and compromise goes into building a healthy marriage - there's a reason you're only supposed to do it once 😅
I can't tell you enough how much I enjoyed reading this. It must be a sign that it popped up when I was having lots of questions about relationships... Thank you for sharing this Isabel, I loved it.
I’m glad I popped up at the right moment! How are you? I feel like we haven’t ‘bumped’ into each other much for a while. I have been a little quiet here. I hope all is well with you!
I felt my chest do a weird little squeeze at “Can you come cook for my daughter after the operation.” It’s so plain and real and it says everything without trying. I had to put my hand on the table for a second.
I really enjoyed reading this, such a mature and honest take that is often lacking in our culture. Completely with you both re: not loving again. If my husband died, I'd just focus on myself and the children. The dating and building phase is such hard work, it drains it out of you. Thanks for sharing this one.
I’m now imagining the two of us hitting a bar, striking up conversations with one man-child after another…argh…I think that’s one very good reason to hope our spouses live at least as long as we do.
And that's not even the worst part -- trying to reason with them down the line or dealing with moods and games -- no thanks! My hubby is 8 years older so likely to pass away before me 😪😭
Thanks for the restack @Dorie Snow/雪多丽!
I’ve talked about this with my sister. If some tragedy happened and we lost both our partners we’ve decided to move in together. It’s so much work to invest in one person that you trust everything with. And that’s on top of the fact that my partner is irreplaceable.
I wonder if men think about the ‘what if their wives die’ scenario the way we do.
I do. The marriage work we don't pay attention to is the hedonic adaptation and the thousand little compromises that show respect and love and being worn down. To do that again - exhausting and impossible.
I loved this Isabel! I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, and completely agree with you both. So much time, energy and compromise goes into building a healthy marriage - there's a reason you're only supposed to do it once 😅
Thank you Colleen! I am sorry for Lisa too but she is so strong.
I can't tell you enough how much I enjoyed reading this. It must be a sign that it popped up when I was having lots of questions about relationships... Thank you for sharing this Isabel, I loved it.
I’m glad I popped up at the right moment! How are you? I feel like we haven’t ‘bumped’ into each other much for a while. I have been a little quiet here. I hope all is well with you!
You are right. 🥺 I’ve been good but I’ve been so busy. I miss writing here. I hope you’re doing well, too and everything’s okay with you!
I felt my chest do a weird little squeeze at “Can you come cook for my daughter after the operation.” It’s so plain and real and it says everything without trying. I had to put my hand on the table for a second.
I felt the same when she texted me that. She literally had her appointment earlier that day, expecting good news and it was a 180, up-side-down shock.
I really enjoyed reading this, such a mature and honest take that is often lacking in our culture. Completely with you both re: not loving again. If my husband died, I'd just focus on myself and the children. The dating and building phase is such hard work, it drains it out of you. Thanks for sharing this one.
I’m now imagining the two of us hitting a bar, striking up conversations with one man-child after another…argh…I think that’s one very good reason to hope our spouses live at least as long as we do.
And that's not even the worst part -- trying to reason with them down the line or dealing with moods and games -- no thanks! My hubby is 8 years older so likely to pass away before me 😪😭
Oh yes! I forgot about the part where we have to train them to be reasonable partners.
Numbers and life expectancy!!! Mine is only 4 years older but refuses to get his apnea treated.
We have both clearly thought about the question of who dies first 😂.